Help, I think I'm an Extrovert

Guys, in case you haven't noticed.... there are a lot of other people out there. And to live in the real world, you have to have what my mom calls people skills.

Apparently, making friends didn't stop in elementary school, and now not only do we have to make friends, we have to be good at it to make a good impression.

Oh, the joys of being a teenager!

In all seriousness, people skills are actually pretty important. Not only should we want to make a good impression on people, but we also should want to form strong, intentional relationships with people.

As Christians, forming relationships with people should mean even more to us. True fellowship is when we as the church come together from different walks of life and love each other, being purposeful about making a deep bond with one another.

After all, we should imitate a family.

However, building a relationship can be awkward and hard sometimes, and I'm not going to pretend it won't be.

There will be pauses in the conversation. You will stumble over your words. You will wonder what they think of you. And of course, you will say something stupid.

But guess what? You're not the only one. Literally the exact same thing could be going through their head during the conversation. And if they're not wondering why they are being so awkward, they will most likely be thinking about how much they like you and what good friends you two could be.

Everyone is different, and the way you form a relationship will be different depending on your unique personalities.

Especially depending on whether they are an introvert or an extrovert.

Oh goodness. Now things are about to get very controversial-- I mean complicated.

Being an introvert means that a person gets their energy from being alone. They enjoy solitude and recharge by spending time by themselves.

Now, this does not mean that they are shy, necessarily. Often the two can go hand in hand, but it's not a given. An introvert can be very outgoing and talkative, but eventually, they will need to withdraw and enjoy a couple hours of solitude before rejoining society. They are drained by social interactions after a while.

As for extroverts, rather than being drained by social interactions, they are energized by them. They love spending time with other people and crave other people.

I am an extrovert. This means that after a few days of not leaving the house, I get restless. I want to go out and be with people. I love talking to my friends and other people and don't get drained by it.

That's part of why I love my job at a local bath and body shop: I love making small talk with the customers. I love interacting with the various people who walk through the door, I like not being alone and I love the fact I can be out of the house for four hours (although I love my home dearly).

So, if you're starting out with an introvert, it might be a little harder to keep the conversation going because they're trying to figure you out. Or, after a while, they might need some space to catch their breath.

If you're starting with an extrovert, you might get overwhelmed easily. Extroverts generally have the gift of gab- which is a polite way of saying that we don't shut up. Really it just means that we don't struggle with finding things to say. And it can be annoying.

Like I mentioned earlier, things can be awkward and hard. Unfortunately, we just don't "click" with some people. Small talk is not always fun because it requires you to focus on someone other than yourself, and things you may not always be interested in.

Which means that asking questions is always a good place to start. If you're struggling with a conversation, revert back to just asking questions. Ask about their home, their family, their hobbies. You could even ask about their favorite food!

Small talk has a rhythm, and like any good sport, it takes practice to be good at it. Don't be discouraged if you stutter and end up being a mess the first time you put effort into it. You will be good at it someday.

On the flip side.... be a good listener. No one likes a person who only talks about themselves.

And you want the other person to feel loved and cared about. You want them to know that you care about taking the time to put in the work to get to know them. And really, truly listening, and being interested in someone- even if you have to fake it- will mean more to them than anything you could say.

But this all begs the question: why is it even important to make friends?

Because, dear reader, no one is an island.

At the beginning of the world, God created the first human being, a man. The first woman was formed when God said, It is not good for man to be alone.

Honestly, we could just stop there. It's not good for us to be alone. Period.

God, in His infinite wisdom, gave us companions and human interaction, and He placed inside each of us the innate desire for companionship. There is a reason why solitary confinement drives people insane. There is a reason why loneliness causes depression, and there is a reason why we call certain people our "best friends".

Humans are primarily relational beings.

We need fellowship. And we need friends.

Of course, in addition to this, I could point out the famous verse from proverbs: "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

Or Matthew 18:20, "Where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am also."

The Lord uses other people in our lives to sanctify us and draw us closer to Him. Our friends and family can convict us and make us run back to our heavenly Father.

And as the church, we are commanded to love one another, no matter how difficult it is.

If you struggle with making friends, that's okay. Just don't let that become your identity. Go out and ask questions. Be a good listener. And drop a comment letting me know how it goes.

Because all of us- clingy extroverts and quiet introverts- need relationships.

Until next time, stay undistracted and keep an open heart.

Love,

Mira <3